Should I Be Active On More Than One Online Dating Site?

Dear Mike,

I’m new to online dating and want to make sure I get the best girls.  Should I be on more than one dating website to increase my odds?

Thanks,

Jeff

Hey Jeff,

There are hundreds of online dating websites out there and it can be tempting to ride all of them all at once.  However the best online dating results come from a more focused approach.

The majority of my clients at My Online Dating Consultant purchase my service because they find online dating to be a time-consuming process that is not yielding the results they want.  The answer is not to increase your pool in that case, but instead be more targeted and develop a game plan to reach success.  I help my clients run a successful online dating process with an investment of an hour or two a week with one site.  Signing up for additional sites means additional time that truly is not necessary and can diminish your available “dating capital” of energy and enthusiasm.

Online dating sites are no different from any other mechanism for meeting new people.  Every online dating site has a ton of excellent, high quality people and every site has a slew of unattractive, undateable candidates too.  It is more about the approach you take to online dating than it is about where you do it.

While it’s good to stay the course with one online dating site at a time, it is advisable after a prolonged stay on one site to switch off to another.  When you initially sign-up for a new online dating website, there’s an early burst of excitement with all of these new faces and women to potentially select from at your fingertips.  However, in time you may find that the talent pool is saturated and you’re seeing them same tired old faces each time you log in to search.  This is a good time to pull down your profile or let your subscription lapse to start fresh somewhere else.

If you’d like to become a client of My Online Dating Consultant we can work through how you present yourself and your process. I can also help you define what you want and implement a strategy that is time efficient and leads to better interactions.

Please feel free to let me know if you have any questions about my company and services.

In the interim, please feel free to peruse the following free resources:

The My Online Dating Consultant Blog (My Readers’ Questions Answered):

https://myonlinedatingconsultant.wordpress.com/

My Bi-Weekly Article (Thursdays) in The Unfinished Man Men’s Magazine:

http://www.unfinishedman.com/author/mike-muson/

Cheers,
Mike Muson

CEO/Founder of My Online Dating Consultant

Why Am I Not Getting More Responses To My Online Dating Profile?

Dear Mike,

I feel like I have a decent online dating profile, but I’m still not getting many winks or emails from girls.  I thought the profile was the most important part of doing well with online dating.  No?

 Thanks,

Steve

Hey Steve,

You are definitely on the right track…but you are missing some critical elements.

Your online dating profile definitely has to be interesting to read and stand-out from the abundance of online dating clowns (see photo).  It also has to be reflective of who you truly are if you want to draw quality women to you who will be a good use of your energy and time…but that’s not the whole story.  As a man, you have to realize that women are rarely going to be proactively searching profiles looking for guys.  As modern as online dating is, the traditional gender dating roles where the man initiates contact generally still apply.

Creating an interesting email that is specific to the woman you are pursuing (not generic email blasts to 100 different women) is the most important element of that initial online dating connection.  You have to catch her attention and pull yourself out of the pack of hundreds of emails that attractive woman receive every day online.  Be the email that jumps out of her inbox and makes her think, “I’ve got to respond to this.”

A fruitful online dating experience requires an effective strategy.  The desired process flow starts with a stand-out email that leads her to your online dating profile.  The online dating profile is a space for you to share a bit more detail about yourself in a way that is unique and reflective of who you are at your core.  It’s not a resume, but rather a chance for you to show yourself as original and leave your girl wanting to know more.

Now, this may sound a bit intimidating or make you feel like this is too much work.  However, creating an effective online dating process with an eye-catching dating profile, a time-efficient proactive search and a mastery of original and bold outgoing email creation is an art form.  The good news is it can be learned.

I can teach you how to do all of this effectively and master a process that may seem untamable at the moment.  Check me out at My Online Dating Consultant and let me show you how to make online dating an effective tool in your dating arsenal.

In the interim, please feel free to peruse the following free resources:

The My Online Dating Consultant Blog (My Readers’ Questions Answered):

https://myonlinedatingconsultant.wordpress.com/

My Weekly Article (Thursdays) in The Unfinished Man Men’s Magazine:

http://www.unfinishedman.com/author/mike-muson/

Cheers,
Mike Muson

CEO/Founder of My Online Dating Consultant

What Am I Doing Wrong With Online Dating?

Dear Mike,

I have sent out a few emails to women but never seem to make that great connection.  I’m feeling kind of lost.  What am I doing wrong?

 Thanks,

Don

Hey Don,

No, the photo above is not what I think you look like lost in the “online dating woods”.  That woman was just to hot to pass up including in my response. 🙂

Thank you for writing in.  I chose your email because your question is one I get all the time.

Having chosen a career as an online dating consultant, I don’t really get to put that expertise aside.  Whether I’m out on the beach, at an event or even at a friend’s party, people always want to ask me about the problems they’re having with online dating.  I always want to help but usually there’s a different answer to every individual’s situation.

The benefit of working with me at My Online Dating Consultant is that I take a very personalized approach to helping you over your online dating hurdles.  Generic advice can help, but it’s been my experience that every person does some things right and other things…well, not so right.  Those things are rarely the same across different people.  We all have different strengths and weaknesses.

As a part of my interaction with you as a client, I take time to understand what you are all about, what you really want in a partner and what you want out of the online dating process.  Before you even attempt to prepare an online dating profile, you have to get your own internal house in order.  Exercises that help you get a handle on who you truly are and not what you want to be are extremely helpful.  The next step is to figure out what your “non-negotiables” are in a partner and base your search on those key attributes.

I have tons of personal experience and an established clientele of professional people who I’ve helped find happiness online.  Having a second set of objective eyes on your process is absolutely invaluable.  However, even if you don’t join my family of clients, I recommend you ask yourself the key questions above to get the most out of your experience.

As I tell all of my clients, own who you are and don’t be afraid to present that in your profile and in your approach.  Let the people who will be put off by who you truly are be turned off and let those that will truly dig what you are all about find their way to you.  Simple enough, right?

If you’d like to become a client of My Online Dating Consultant we can work through how you present yourself and your process. I can also help you define what you want and implement a strategy that is time efficient and leads to better interactions.

Please feel free to let me know if you have any questions about my company and services.

In the interim, please peruse the following free resources:

The My Online Dating Consultant Blog (My Readers’ Questions Answered):

https://myonlinedatingconsultant.wordpress.com/

My Bi-Weekly Article (Thursdays) in The Unfinished Man Men’s Magazine:

http://www.unfinishedman.com/author/mike-muson/

Cheers,
Mike Muson

CEO/Founder of My Online Dating Consultant

Should I Mention My Child In My Online Dating Profile?

Dear My Online Dating Consultant,

 I read your article last week in the Unfinished Man about dating after a divorce.  I am in that situation and wondered if you recommend including my son in my profile pictures or writing about him in my profile.

 Thanks in advance,

Anthony

Hey Anthony,

Thanks for sending along a question that many of my divorced readers may be also asking themselves.

Including a child from a previous marriage in your new single life can be a confusing endeavor.  Some men fear that women will be turned off by the fact that they have a child or be reluctant to date a man who might not be willing to give them their entire attention.

When it comes to online dating, I do not recommend including photos of your child in your profile.  The profile photos should be about you and including your child is unnecessary.  She has to be inspired and attracted to you first and foremost.  If you connect with someone, there will be plenty of time to share pictures of your little man when the time is right.

From a security perspective, it’s dangerous to post photos of your child in such a public forum.  Online dating is extremely mainstreamed now, but there are still some scary people out there and it’s best to keep your child insulated from any potential danger.

However, I do recommend you be honest about the fact that you have a child.  It is absolutely nothing to be ashamed of or a point that should be covered up.  You are proud of your kid and he’s a major part of your life.  He should be presented like any other key attribute is about you.

Remember that the profile is about you and not your child.  Position your child as the source of inspiration or joy that he is and state simply that he’s a part of your life.  This puts you in a positive light, shares the reality of your situation and like any other quality…will inspire those that will be into you and turn off those that won’t.  Your date has the right to know.

The added bonus of owning the fact that you have a child is that you’ll be more comfortable emailing, talking with and ultimately meeting a woman who is aware of your situation.  If you love your child and are involved in his life, you’re bound to occasionally bring him up in conversation.  You won’t want to have to worry about letting something slip about him when you’re getting to know someone.  This will allow you to relax and be yourself through your interactions.

As I tell all of my clients, own who you are and don’t be afraid to present that in your profile and in your approach.  Let the people who will be put off by who you truly are be turned off and let those that will truly dig what you are all about find their way to you.  Simple enough, right?

If you’d like to become a client of My Online Dating Consultant we can work through how you present yourself and your process. I can also help you define what you want and implement a strategy that is time efficient and leads to better interactions.

Please feel free to let me know if you have any questions about my company and services.

In the interim, please feel free to peruse the following free resources:

The My Online Dating Consultant Blog (My Readers’ Questions Answered):

https://myonlinedatingconsultant.wordpress.com/

My Weekly Article (Thursdays) in The Unfinished Man Men’s Magazine:

http://www.unfinishedman.com/author/mike-muson/

Cheers,
Mike Muson

CEO/Founder of My Online Dating Consultant

Discovery Week is On! Free Online Dating Consultations Available.

After nearly 2 years in the online dating coaching business, I’ve found that talking about and improving one’s online dating process is a very personal experience.  It’s not something you want to talk about in public or share with your friends.

For that reason, I’ve decided to launch Discovery Week!  Discovery Week will take place from October 24th – October 28th.  During Discovery week, I’m giving away a FREE 15 minute phone consultation with me to discuss any questions you have about online dating and to discover the biggest obstacles holding you back from success with online dating.

Reserve your time slot for Discovery Week (October 24th – October 28th) now as they are going quickly.  There is absolutely no obligation to buy anything, so this pretty much a no-brainer.  It’s your time to have the ear of an online dating expert and to understand how to improve your online dating process.

Sign-up is easy and free.  Just send an email to Disovery@MyOnlineDatingConsultant.com with a few dates and times that fit your schedule between October 24th and October 28th to reserve your free consultation.

Thanks and I look forward to our conversation!

Confidently yours,
Mike Muson

CEO of My Online Dating Consultant

Why Do I Never Hear From Guys After 1-2 Dates?

Dear My Online Dating Consultant,

Question: after 1-2 dates I never hear from these guys again? They tell me I am beautiful and smart so why no phone calls or anything to let me know WHY?

 Sincerely,

Ms. B

 

Hey Ms. B,

Thanks for reaching out and asking a very good question.

Unfortunately, guys very rarely give you an explanation for why they stopped calling.  They just stop.

There are still some classy guys out there that will take the noble path and call to say they’d rather not see you anymore.  However, most guys and girls alike take the easy path and just ignore your calls or cease to initiate contact with you.

There are an infinite number of reasons guys stop calling, many of which may have absolutely nothing to do with you.  An ex may have come back into their life, they may have a new project at work that is consuming their time…or the reality is they may just have not felt the connection with you that they wanted.

The key is moving on and not allowing missed connections to affect your next interaction.  Stay positive and don’t allow someone else’s decision to impact how you feel about yourself.  You will find someone who appreciates and respects you with a positive approach.

If you’d like to become a client of My Online Dating Consultant we can work through how you present yourself and your process and perhaps investigate why the wrong kinds of people may be drawn to you.  I can also help you define what you want and implement a strategy that is time efficient and leads to better interactions.

Please feel free to let me know if you have any questions about my company and services.

In the interim, please feel free to peruse the following free resources:

The My Online Dating Consultant Blog (My Readers’ Questions Answered):

https://myonlinedatingconsultant.wordpress.com/

My Weekly Article (Thursdays) in The Unfinished Man Men’s Magazine:

http://www.unfinishedman.com/category/dating-and-sex

Cheers,
Mike Muson

CEO/Founder of My Online Dating Consultant

Choosing A Place For Your First Date

I’m a guy who is ultimately interested in a relationship, but want to meet lots of women to decide who is right for me.  Going out on lots of dates can get pretty expensive.  What do you recommend for an ideal first date that’s economical?

Best,

Doug

Dear Doug,

Yes, dating can get expensive for guys out there looking to find love.  If you’re in a major city like LA or NY, even taking women out for a few $15 martinis can eat away at your finances in a hurry.  Even more importantly, you’ll want to limit overextending your most valuable asset which is your time.

I would absolutely avoid any kind of first online date that is a major time commitment. Things like dinners or hikes are better saved for futures dates when you’ve established that you want to spend time with this person. The first online date is definitely still a date, but is more of an opportunity to get to know her in person.  I stress to my clients that you really don’t know someone, no matter what she says on her dating profile that clicks with you, until you sit down and share space with her.  All of the online dating profile creation, flirtatious emails and phone calls lead up to this live interaction which is truly where the connection either happens or doesn’t.

Make your online date one that only requires a one hour commitment. If you like her, you can always stay for another drink or extend the date however you like.  This approach serves a dual purpose of allowing you to set your expectations reasonably for the date and if it doesn’t work out…it’s not that big a deal. You’ve spent an hour of your life meeting someone new.

I’m a big fan of Happy Hour for a first online date.  It gives you a chance to check out a place with a lively/social atmosphere where you can relax and get to know someone new over some typically reduced price drinks.  Happy Hour is a nice first start because you’re relaxing after work and women will feel comfortable that they’re not out too late on a school night with a man they don’t know very well yet.

For more extensive guidance about making online dating a successful tool in your arsenal, please visit www.MyOnlineDatingConsultant.com

Good luck,

Mike Muson

My Online Dating Consultant

As you may have noticed I’ve changed the format of this blog to be more interactive.  If you’d like your question to be answered here, please email your questions to info@myonlinedatingconsultant.com.  Please also leave your comments about this question below.

Isn’t It Easier Just To Show Up and See If There’s Chemistry?

Dear Mike,

Instead of creating a strategy for success with online dating like you talk about, isn’t it just easier to quickly browse profiles and just meet people?  That seems like it would take less time and be more efficient.

Thanks,

Joe D.

 

Dear Joe,

There are plenty of online daters out there that try your approach and you know what…sometimes that works!  You can catch lightning in a bottle and get lucky with that plan, but that doesn’t mean it’s the most efficient use of your time.

Here’s why that approach will bite you in the end:

Why Rush?

You are eliminating the most valuable attribute of online dating which is the ability to pre-screen candidates from the comfort of your home before you invest any time in them.  A short, targeted email exchange can help you weed out a dud over an interesting girl most of the time.

If you are a guy and you plan on just meeting women that you find attractive you’ll likely be out on 3-4 dates a week.  Mark my words this will end up working against you for two key reasons:

Do You Really Want to Bankroll Boring Women?

You will end up spending a ton of cash on uninteresting women.

Let’s do the math on this.  Let’s say you just end up having a couple of drinks at an average of $10 per drink (conservative in a big city like LA or NY), that’s $40 + tip…so let’s say conservatively $45 per date for both of you.  Do that 3 times a week and you’re looking at $135.  Do that for a month and you’re at $540.

Do you really want to spend that much money on a crap shoot?  You could spend half that and get two consultation sessions with My Online Dating Consultant , a revised profile and $40 left to spend on a Thank You card to me!

Bad Dates Deplete Your Energy For Good Dates

The process of going out on that many bad dates will drain your energy.  The boring dates or dates where you show up and the girl is not as hot as she looked will chip away at your enthusiasm for online dating and dating in general.  This will render you depleted emotionally when and if you do end up meeting someone that could be a good match for you.  You’ll be showing at your worst at a time when you should be your best.

In my direct consultations with customers of My Online Dating Consultant I address related topics like:

• How to integrate online dating into your life successfully without having it take over.
• How to create short and interesting emails to women that will pull you out of the proverbial pile of emails she receives.
• How to assess whether someone you’ve been online flirting with is worthy of an offline date.

These are all great talking points that other clients have found useful.  However, what makes My Online Dating Consultant unique is that I tailor every solution to fit your individual challenges and your individual personality.

For more extensive guidance about making online dating a successful tool in your arsenal, please visit www.MyOnlineDatingConsultant.com

Good luck,

Mike Muson

CEO of My Online Dating Consultant

As you may have noticed I’ve changed the format of this blog to be more interactive.  If you’d like your question to be answered here, please email your questions to info@myonlinedatingconsultant.com.  Please also leave your comments about this question below.

 

 

Is it OK to have pictures with other women in my profile?

Dear Mike,

I just recently got out of a relationship and am looking to use online dating to meet some new women. The problem is most of my current pictures have my ex-girlfriend in them. Is it ok to post these?

Thanks,

Steve

Dear Steve,

Loads of people use online dating to get themselves “back in the game” after a relationship ends. I call this using your “dating training wheels” to get used to the dating world again. Way to jump back in Steve!

Selecting the best photos to represent you is a bit of an art form and one of the first things I send my paying clients is a great guideline for picking the very best set of photos for your online dating profile which are flattering, realistic and effective. Of course, the best thing to do is sign-up for a My Online Dating Consultant package and get started right away…but for the sake of pointing you in the right direction, let’s start with some baseline rules for photos with others.

Tonal Significance

In general, you want yourself to be the focus of all of your photos and having other people (especially your ex-girlfriend) can be distracting. As mentioned previously, I give my clients specific direction about different tones that I want to see reflected in each of the photos we choose together with a very clear intention in each of them. One of the sides we show is a relaxed and fun setting shot.

Cropping As An Art Form

You should be cropping out any peripheral people from the photos you post on your profile. Being creative in how you crop is the art form here as you may want to leave just a hint of your ex in the photo (particularly if she’s attractive) just to create some intrigue. This tastefully shows that you have a life, you are comfortable with and accustomed to being in the company of attractive women…but you’re tasteful enough to remove them from your photos and you’re not clinging to that past. Yeah, there’s a lot of psychology behind it…but it does impact how your online dating profile is viewed and received.

Let Them Imagine Themselves With You

It’s good to include photos of you out and doing things as opposed to a lot of studio shots or isolated photos because this shows you in a more natural scenario, but again skillfully crop out your buddies and other women. The idea is that women will be viewing your profile and consciously or subconsciously be saying to themselves, “Can I imagine myself there?” or “Do I want to be there?” If the answer will be no…don’t include those photos.

In my direct consultations with customers of My Online Dating Consultant I address related topics like:

• How to integrate online dating into your life successfully without having it take over.
• How to select online dating profile photos that create an attractive tonal package.
• How to get your profile bumped up in the online dating queue so it’s viewed as frequently as possible.

These are all great talking points that other clients have found useful. However, what makes My Online Dating Consultant unique is that I tailor every solution to fit your individual challenges and your individual personality.

For more extensive guidance about making online dating a successful tool in your arsenal, please visit www.MyOnlineDatingConsultant.com

Good luck,

Mike Muson

CEO of My Online Dating Consultant

As you may have noticed I’ve changed the format of this blog to be more interactive. If you’d like your question to be answered here, please email your questions to info@myonlinedatingconsultant.com. Please also leave your comments about this question below.

Does A Text Message Constitute A Returned Call?

I’ve run into a tricky scenario recently and thought I’d ask the online dating expert for advice. I’ve been online dating for a while and recently got a woman’s phone number that I was interested in. When I called, I got her voicemail and left a message in the early evening. She texted me back a few hours later saying “Got your message. Talk to ya later”. What do I do next? Is she expecting me to call again? In other words, does a text message return of a phone message constitute a returned call?

By the way, I didn’t call again and never heard from her.

Thanks,

Dave

Dear Dave,

That presents the most interesting question to ponder since “if a tree falls in the forest and there’s no one there to hear it, does it make a sound”?

Dating in the modern age of mobile technology can be very challenging (read my recent article about it). I take an old school approach to this quandary as I think if you’re making the effort to call her and initiate contact then the least she can do is match your effort. You should not call again.

The key though is finding what works for you. If you’re a texting kinda guy then this may not be a big deal for you. However, I think what this woman is showing you early (consider yourself lucky) is that she’s not really that interested. I’d venture to say that if you polled your friends that are women they’d all say if a guy they were really interested in called, they’d definitely call him back at some point no matter how busy they were.

My advice is to simply move on and don’t spend too much of your precious time worrying about what went wrong or why she didn’t call. Maybe an ex-boyfriend came back into her life, maybe she had visitors in town, maybe she was selected for the next NASA mission into space…who knows and the reality is it doesn’t matter. Allow a woman who will really appreciate you and your effort to have you in her life.

Good luck,

Mike Muson

My Online Dating Consultant

As you may have noticed I’ve changed the format of this blog to be more interactive. If you’d like your question to be answered here, please email your questions to info@myonlinedatingconsultant.com. Please also leave your comments about this question below.